Feeling emotionally off? I certainly have been lately. You’re not alone—and you’re not losing it. Here's how to tell what might be going on underneath the surface.
Something’s Changed—and You Can’t Quite Name It
One day, you wake up feeling like a stranger to yourself. You’re snapping at your kids over nothing. You cry at dog food commercials. You can’t remember why you walked into a room—or why your chest feels tight every time you check your email.
You wonder: Is this stress? Is it hormones? Am I just burned out? Am I broken?
If you’ve asked yourself any of those questions lately, this post is for you. In midlife, the lines between hormonal changes, chronic stress, and unhealed trauma start to blur. Symptoms overlap. Old coping tools stop working. What used to be a “rough week” now feels like a cycle you can’t escape.
The good news? Naming what’s going on is the first step to finding your way through.
Hormones, Stress, and Trauma: A Tangled Trio
I'm not a doctor or a therapist but I've dealt with all three of these (and I've done a lot of research and read a lot of books). These three forces—hormones, stress, and trauma—don’t exist in neat, separate boxes. They interact. They amplify each other. And in midlife, they tend to hit all at once.
For years, I thought I was just stressed. I’d been managing a household, building a creative business, and navigating motherhood. I was used to pushing through.
But when my moods began to swing wildly for no reason, when I couldn’t concentrate or sleep through the night, and when even joyful things felt flat—I started to wonder if something deeper was going on.
I’ve learned that midlife isn’t just a time of change. It’s a time of reckoning. A time when your body, mind, and soul ask: Are you ready to heal this now? Ha, ha! Thanks mind and body. Nice timing!
Use this post as checklist not as a diagnostic tool, but as a gentle invitation to get curious about what you need.
Could It Be Hormones?
For women, perimenopause can start as early as your late 30s or early 40s and last for several years before menopause. During this time, estrogen and progesterone levels swing unpredictably, affecting your brain chemistry and mood, in addition to your periods.
Hormone-Triggered Symptoms Might Look Like
- Sudden rage or emotional outbursts that feel “out of character”
- Panic or anxiety that shows up for no clear reason
- Brain fog or forgetfulness
- Sleep disruptions, even when you’re exhausted
- A sense of grief or disconnection from your identity
For me, I realized I was yelling at my kids for the tiniest little thing. I would often cry in the car when I was driving by myself (that still happens sometimes). My body was clearly trying to tell me something. I wish I had known then that hormone shifts could trigger emotional responses that felt like anxiety or depression.
What can help:
- Talking to a doctor who understands perimenopause and menopause (sadly, not all do so you may have to try a few)
- Tracking your cycle and symptoms
- Supporting your nervous system with rest, protein-rich foods, and gentle movement
Could It Be Chronic Stress?
If you’ve been carrying the weight of everyone else’s needs—your kids, your partner, your job, your aging parents—you may be living in a near-constant state of low-level survival mode.
Signs Stress Might Be the Culprit:
- Feeling “tired but wired” all the time
- Losing patience over small things
- Getting sick often or having frequent headaches or body aches
- Having a short fuse with people you care about
- Feeling like you’re constantly falling short, no matter how much you do
At one point, I was so used to being overwhelmed that I thought it was just my personality. But stress isn’t a personality flaw—it’s a warning signal. And in midlife, the cumulative toll of long-term stress starts to show.
What can help:
- Setting boundaries (even if it’s awkward at first)
- Letting go of the pressure to do everything “perfectly”
- Restoring your nervous system through breathwork, body-based practices, or simply saying no
Could It Be Trauma? (Including CPTSD)
For some of us, midlife reawakens something we thought we’d buried. It’s not always a big, dramatic event. It can be years of emotional neglect. Growing up in a family where feelings weren’t safe. Always being the “responsible one” or the “fixer.”
This is where complex PTSD (CPTSD) often comes in. It stems from long-term, repeated emotional wounds—often in childhood—that shape how we relate to ourselves, our bodies, and the world.
Signs Unhealed Trauma May Be at Play:
- Feeling emotionally numb or detached from your life
- Constant guilt, self-doubt, or people-pleasing tendencies
- Overreacting to criticism or conflict
- Struggling with a sense of identity or belonging
- Being triggered by things that “shouldn’t” bother you
I’ve had moments where an innocent question—“What’s for dinner?”—sent me into a spiral of shame and overwhelm, because I had no idea. Trauma doesn’t always make sense in the moment. But it makes sense once you understand where it comes from.
What can help:
- Working with a trauma-informed therapist or coach
- Exploring somatic therapies like EMDR, EFT, or TRE
- Being gentle with yourself as memories or emotions surface
- Rewriting your internal narrative with compassion, not blame
So… Which One Is It?
You probably don't want to hear this but: It might be all three.
This is how it is for me and I'm still working through everything. Hormones, stress, and trauma don’t operate in isolation. Hormonal shifts can lower your emotional resilience. Chronic stress can make trauma responses harder to manage. Unprocessed trauma can amplify every symptom.
Remember:
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not lazy or broken.
You’re being invited to pay attention.
You can do this!
What Now? A Path Forward
I know how overwhelming all this can feel. Start with awareness. Track your symptoms. Speak to a provider who sees the full picture (not just your age or lab results). This one can be tough, but keep looking. It's worth it. The Menopause Society has lots of helpful information and resources on their site.
Share your experience with someone who gets it. Healing in midlife doesn’t mean going back to who you were. It means becoming more fully who you are—with less apology and more ease.
You don’t have to figure everything out today. You just have to listen—and begin.
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